Teachers hear “Can I go” questions around 50 to 1000 times a day. Can I go to the bathroom now? Can I go sit with my friends now? Can I go to lunch now? Can I go to the nurse now? The beauty of these questions is they often come in increments of 5 of more. It sound like this, “Can I go now? What about now? Can I go now? I think others are going. Can I go now? It’s not fair, I want to go now. Please can I go now?”

This week was state testing in my school. When you ask a group of children to sit for well over an hour, even after they finish their test, you see these little humans gradually lose their minds. It is like a live time experiment.

They first are willing to sit, but their hands need to be active with drawing, fidgeting, or drumming. Then you see their bodies shift as they start to move their feet, almost as if they are chair-walking. Then they blurt out the first “Can I go?” question. If not met with immediate relief, the floodgates of impulsivity reign holy hell upon the person trying to prevent them from leaving.

Middle schoolers want to be anywhere but here, anytime but now. Their little minds can never truly be in the room they are physically occupying. They want so badly to escape the present moment that they will literally go anywhere, just to get there and decide they don’t want to be there either. For some, their drive to get out of their current moment and into the next looks like sheer panic.

Even as I tell my students that staring at the clock will not make it go faster, nor will asking me to leave 300 times make the answer change, I see that essence of escape in myself as well. This anxious need for immediacy to move on from where I am to where I need to be is ever-present.

My mind is always looking ahead to the things I have to complete or accomplish. I get home after a long week of work and start thinking ahead to tomorrow. What are my kids’ obligations? When did I promise I would be somewhere? When will I get the shopping done? When will I get the laundry and housework done? I, like my students, am always asking, “Can I go now?”

Even when life is enjoyable or meant for our rest, we ask, “Can I go now?” I think of how much I crave sleep. I close my eyes, try to relax, and a few hours in, I am thinking about what I need to be doing the next day. It is as if I am staring out the classroom door, looking down the hallway, waiting for the bell to ring.

One of the best quotes I have ever heard, in terms of being present, is from Jon Kabat-Zinn, a leading teacher and researcher of mindfulness. He states, “Start simple. Start by just being in the shower when you are in the shower.” It sounds silly, but think about it. How often are you truly in the shower? For most of us, we are thinking about the upcoming day, the 10 pounds we want to lose, the argument we had with a loved one, or the to-do list we have to tackle when the water shuts off.

Life shouldn’t be about asking when can we go. Rather, it must be us asking what should or could we be doing while we are being asked to stay. Learning to be, or remaining present, starts with simply being in the shower. Then being in every moment after that.