If I want to see where my friends are this weekend, I can pull up an app for that. If I want to know what I should wear to school today, I can FaceTime a friend for that. If I want to express my anger or frustration with someone, I can comment on a post or in a group chat for that.

Within seconds I can reach an audience, but why is there this prevailing empty feeling among friends? If talking and communicating with others is so much easier these days, why do we live in a time when so many people feel isolated?

The truth is that socializing has evolved into something different than it was in years before the entrance of smartphones and social media. Instead of meeting out and coming up with games or activities, we are staying in and looking at each other through screens. Instead of having “nothing to do” together, we find something to do while also looking at our screens. This current way of spending time with one another is a replacement of interconnection with parallel socialization.

In short, phones give us choices for distraction, empty options for boredom, and an illusion of truth as we decipher the contents of our feeds. We are now co-existing while believing we are still connecting. However, we can still calm the raging waves of social pressures and stressors and choose quality over quantity and connection over co-existence.

Connect in person: Ditch the phone and engage in real experiences with friends. Play a pickup game of basketball, go for a run, play a board game, bake cookies or homemade pizzas, paint blank canvases, watch a movie, or whatever healthy hobby you can enjoy alongside your friends. Dig into your time together. Conversations held and experiences shared are the memories that stick. These are the moments that shape a relationship.

Connect without distraction: Being present is a gift not just for you but for the people you are with. One of the things teens consistently say to me is that they feel unseen and unheard. It is hard to feel heard when the person listening to you is staring at a screen. It is hard to feel seen when you are expressing yourself to a friend and they cut you off to share about themselves. You deserve to be heard, and so do those in your life, so lead by example. Show up without distraction, stay present, and you will be giving the gift of true friendship.

Connect over the right things: Teens crave authenticity. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and they want real interactions. Conversations centered around comparison create an environment of competition. Who has it better? Who has it worse? Who has the attention of others? Who has the right look or body? Relationships thrive in environments where people are celebrated, understood, and uplifted. Center your conversations and interactions around what brings your friend joy, such as their strengths, interests, and values. Connect over their hurts by allowing them a safe space to be vulnerable. Connect over hope as you speak well-being and optimism into their days. Connect over faith that conquers fear and honors something bigger than ourselves.

Connect on the small things: Notice the small things that make others laugh, smile, or find comfort. Notice the moments of strength and courage a friend displays. Notice the moments of kindness and selflessness you witness in their actions. Notice them in their moments of silence and sadness. Notice what you can actually see, hear, and witness, not necessarily the public posts a friend shares with the world. What you see in others will be what you value in yourself. So pay attention to the little ways people, including yourself, can make a big impact on their quality of life and relationships.

Connect with yourself: Believe it or not, you are a better friend and family member when you feel comfortable in your own skin. When you take the time to celebrate your strengths, accept your struggles, and embrace your uniqueness, you provide the best version of yourself to others. You are also more likely to respond by celebrating others and embracing what makes them different. Make time to be bored. Learn to be alone in silence so you can honor your thoughts. Forgive yourself for missteps and offer yourself grace.

It can be overwhelming to go against the crowd of distraction. If you are standing with friends and each of them is scrolling instead of talking, it may feel safer to grab your phone and follow along. But any dedication to real, in-person connection and experiences will give you stronger relationships, healthier social skills, and a taste of what the human experience was meant to be. Be the light. Set the example. Live. Laugh. Love. Connect.